How to understand what flirts with us?

“You have amazing eyes, I can invite you to a cup of coffee?”In such cases, flirting is more than obvious. However, far from always the one who seeks to demonstrate his special interest to us is so frank.

“Flirt can be confusing, and we do not always correctly read the signals that our substantive sends,” says a social psychologist, professor of Meriland University Teresa Didonato. – Often a person is afraid to be rejected and therefore flirts with us not directly, but indirectly: he tries to be very careful, tells something funny, jokes. And leaves us with the question – what did our interlocutor mean?”

A study conducted at the University of Kansas, demonstrates how well we actually recognize the situations when they try to flirt with us. Psychologists watched how unfamiliar people talked for 20 minutes. After which the subjects shared their first impressions. And what turned out?

1. Physical attraction. The more we are attracted to a person of the opposite sex, the more willing we begin to flirting already during the first acquaintance. However, as a rule, we keep a sober view of things. In other words, even if we really liked someone, we do not see in his politeness a hidden hint that he became interested in us.

2. Men and women are equally mistaken. The vast majority of people do not understand what they are trying to flirt with them. So, only 18% of women guessed that men showed them special signs of attention. Representatives of the stronger sex showed somewhat better result – 36% were able to determine that the women wanted to like. In most cases, flirting was simply not recognized.

3. People better recognize the absence of flirting. The fact that they communicate with them only friendly, without any sexual connotation, 83% of women noted. And this was quite consistent with the intentions of the interlocutors. Almost the same – 84% – the result was shown by men. In other words, both sexes very soberly evaluated the location friendly to them, not trying to pass it off for the manifestation of special interest. However, they showed complete naivety in a situation where they really tried to flirt with them.

“It’s good that we share friendly location and romantic interest even when we like a person. However, due to the inability to recognize the romantic signals addressed to us, we risk to get through with a potentially close person and pass by his love, ”said Teresa Didonato.

How to understand what flirts with us?

1. Watch your body movements. In a certain context of a smile, long glances, a slope in your direction of the body or head, as if random touches to the hand can talk about a special interest in you.

2. Be attentive to what the interlocutor says. Still, we trust the words more and with their help we better recognize the desire to like. Therefore, if you want your signals to read correctly, make compliments.

3. Choose a meeting place. If you flirt in the mood, go to those places where you can at ease with outsiders: clubs, bars, parties. If this is also a club in interests, the “ice” melts even faster.

“Unconscious attraction acts to any nearest object even regardless of the gender and age,” says Jungian analyst Lev Hegai. -but at the same time suppression is also valid due to socio-cultural prohibitions. So even the thoughts of flirting may not arise. However, if the situation permits, then suppression is less and thoughts reach consciousness. “.

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