“How to live and work if you don’t see anything good around?”

I am 21, I graduate from the university and I think that I can’t find a job from which I would not want to cry every day without stopping, as is happening now. I do not want anything. In the middle of the month I left my job and got a new one a couple of days ago. But neither in the past, nor the present I feel calm. I have been tormented by bouts of hysteria for a week, I can’t get up in the morning without tears. I was disappointed in myself. I think about people who have poor health or not a family and they cannot get a job, they probably are even worse for them. I also have a difficult relationship with my parents, and all this worsens. I think about death, although I am afraid of her and I do not want to hurt her even more pain to my mother, brother and guy. Life scares me and makes me roar, panting. It is difficult to go out into the street. I would like independence, to separate from my parents. Maybe then it would be better


. But I can’t work, each action seems difficult and “not for me”. I do not see a pleasant future in my life, I can’t even imagine what it should be. Only communication with the guy saves, but I do not want to load him with my condition.

Tell me what to do, force myself to work or give time to calm down and understand something? And if I don’t calm down and I don’t understand? Help me please.

Veronica, 21

Veronica, in order to understand this situation, it is important to pay attention to several questions.

Daily tantrums say that your life now belongs to you. You write that you do not want to cause even more pain to mom, brother, guy. What pain have you already caused them? Whether you objectively did something bad, or a feeling of guilt is caused by manipulations from your parents and their disapproval of your true choice?

I assume that it is here the internal conflict: you are trying to live in such a way as to live up to the expectations of loved ones, to get their love, but at the same time you betray yourself and go completely in the direction that you really like. You “understand your head that the work is not bad”, but inside you have a hysteria – this suggests that you are trying to suppress yourself, to convince yourself of the right.

By what principle do you choose a job now? What is most discomfort in it? What do you really would like to do? Try to imagine that loved ones will support your any choice – what kind of lesson you would prefer?

An attempt in order to motivate to compare your life with the lives of people in adverse conditions will cause you only guilt and will not help to advance to solve the problem. And the problem is not that you are bad, but that you are trying to live your life for other people.

At the same time, each of us feels the same – our own, correct – the path that will bring satisfaction, happiness, realization. But we stubbornly do not want to look at it because of the inner fear not to justify the hope of loved ones, to upset them and become “bad”.

Understand that the feelings of other people are their zone of responsibility, no matter how selfish it may sound. But your life, your choice of work that will like it, your actions aimed at getting happiness for yourself is your responsibility.

I would advise paying attention to the topic of separation with parental figures, the topic of emotional independence and strengthening their internal personal supports. You are extremely concerned about being comfortable and a guy – because you do not share your experiences with him. But how to build intimacy without it?

Was Continue to endure work or give yourself time? I would recommend becoming more attentive to myself and understand what exactly you want. Be more attentive to your feelings and reasons that caused them. About the continuation – only you decide. If the situation now obliges to work, then in parallel you can look for a vacancy that would be interesting to you, or learn what you are interested in.

You can also get several consultations from a psychologist to structure your thoughts, understand experiences and find what you really want.

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